The Unconventional Heroes

Timothy Walter Bolton — Timmy — has spent most of his life as a necromancer. When his zombie hydra-dragon-bear tries to eat him, he considers a career change. But he is a wanted criminal with powerful enemies and a score to settle with the Everton Council of Mages. War is coming, and the Council is desperate. In exchange for help, Timmy might earn a pardon — but to get it, he must assemble unconventional heroes who mostly want to mangle him. His team: an obnoxious pink-glasses-wearing apprentice, a bureaucrat who may not survive his first fight, and an elf who is essentially the bogeyman.

To earn his pardon, Timmy must complete every mission the Council throws at him — most of which involve extremely scary things trying to kill him. His help consists of an apprentice with designs on his castle, a bureaucrat whose greatest skills are fainting and using others as human shields, and a pyromaniac elf with enough magic to level a mountain. Trouble is coming in double: an army of killer golems is loose, giving Timmy an excuse to deploy waves of killer zombies, and a demon lord is attempting to usher in the apocalypse. One way or another, Timmy is getting that pardon — and a tax rebate.

To earn his pardon, Timmy and the gang keep saving the day — sort of. Property damage per mission is down, they haven't blown up another mountain, and they've gone several missions without ripping a hole in reality. Naturally, it won't last. When a dragon egg hatches to reveal the world's cuddliest harbinger of death, Timmy is dragged into two diabolically dangerous missions: breaking back into one of the world's most secure prisons to rescue a vampire, and retrieving a divine artifact capable of winning a war. Plus, zombie pirates. Never underestimate a necromancer with a shovel and time to plan.

To keep his castle and earn his pardon, Timmy has his work cut out for him — rescuing princesses, crushing goblin hordes, and dealing with eldritch abominations. His team has expanded: a young dragon who thinks every problem can be eaten, an ancient vampire who cannot complete a mission without being impaled, a semi-retired legendary swordsman, and a bureaucrat who has mastered screaming and swinging a frying pan. With war on the horizon, two missions loom: rescuing a princess from one of the world's most powerful crime lords, and defending a dwarf kingdom from a rampaging goblin horde. Never get into a war of attrition with a necromancer.

To earn his pardon and win the war against the Eternal Empire, Timmy must call upon every scrap of power, cunning, and determination he has. Whether it is dealing with belligerent spider people, whales too angry to die, or otherworldly titans with dreams of conquest, Timmy and the gang will be pushed to their limits. The Eternal Empire has assembled the greatest armada the world has ever seen, with hidden naval bases and ancient artifacts. But they are about to learn an important lesson: never mess with a Grand Necromancer who has time to plan.